I just returned from the Out & Equal Workplace Equality conference, which my company attends every year…and I wanted to share some thoughts I have after returning from this experience. These are of course my own personal ideas, and if you choose to respond, feel free. I am not writing this particular editorial to get feedback, only to share my experience. Please be aware that I have emotions just like everyone else, and parts of this editorial are funny, angry, and hopeful.
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I do not wear pink. I do not own any Judi Garland albums. I have only seen The Wizard of Oz one time, and honestly, it wasn’t all that. I am not a hair dresser, and I have to defer to my female best friend when it comes to decorating ideas. I have never been to a Madonna concert. I own nothing from Prada, Versace, or Gucci.
I dress professionally. I drive a Volvo. I am a manager. I love to laugh. I donate money and time to charitable and scientific organizations. I spend time gardening, reading, writing, and watching TV. I like baseball games. I’m addicted to diet pepsi vanilla. I grocery shop at Albertsons and I love to cook. I own my home. I’m also gay.
My department knows, my manager knows, my employees know. And they have all met my partner David. In fact, as far as I know, in my 10 years at the company, every manager I’ve ever had knew, and everyone who ever worked with me knew. It’s a non-issue. They didn’t “tolerate” me for being different, they accepted me for being different, and I did the same in return.
I’ve worked with nearly every nationality on the planet. I’ve worked with people from numerous religions, races, and genders. That’s what diversity is all about. It’s not about “tolerating” someone who is different from you. It’s about understanding that they are different from you, educating yourself on what those differences are (instead of making assumptions), and finding value in that education.
A side note: I’m not here to recruit people to be like me (and no, I don’t get a new toaster oven for every new recruit). The world would be incredibly boring if it were only made of people like me.
Did you know that harassment based on sexual orientation, is about the only form that is still socially acceptable? Did you know that there is no federal job protection for gays, lesbians, or transgender individuals? Did you know that in 37 states, you could be fired for being gay and be able to do nothing about it legally? But guess what…if you’re a straight male or female, if you are Black or Asian or Hispanic, or if you are disabled, and you are harassed or fired for one of those reasons, you’d have the biggest lawsuit possible, and have all the support you need.
I met numerous people this last week who had been fired from their jobs, kicked out of their churches and families, and lost all of their friends just because they are gay. I met people who have been beaten up or spit on walking down the street just because they “acted” gay. We’ve had employees who have left the company because of harassment they received when others “perceived” them to be gay (they weren’t). I heard from people who were told they could not discuss their weekend or their partner or their children at work, but their straight co-workers could. If a person “comes out“ as black, Christian, Jewish, Hispanic, there isn’t any of the same stigma attached as a person who comes out as gay/lesbian/bi/transgender. Is it any wonder that suicide rates among gay/lesbian/bi/transgender individuals (especially teens) are so prevalent? Who would choose this kind of hatred and discrimination?
How many times have you heard black or Asian slurs in the last few years? Compare that to the number of gay or lesbian slurs (even in the office!)…I think you’ll find that the number of times you’ve heard the word that starts with F and ends in AG, far outweighs any others. Maybe you’ve used it yourself. It’s almost unfathomable that people would still refer to a black person with the “N” word. So why is it ok to say fag, dyke, or any number of more graphic slurs? Why is it ok to strap a young man to a fence, and beat him to death? Why is it ok to kill someone just because they want to be happy? How does their happiness threaten yours?
And while I’m on the topic of words and language…..
Many people that I have interacted with have no idea how to talk to me. It’s as if, because I’m gay, I speak a foreign language that they can’t be bothered to learn so that we can interact. Guess what, I speak English just like many of you do, and I pretty much love to talk (sometimes people wish I would just shut-up I’m sure:-)). If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t understand, ask. If your past experiences have given you a one-sided view of me, ask. It’s amazing what new insights we can gain from simply asking the questions.
Let’s start with a simple one. Who is David? Is he my boyfriend? Partner? Husband? Significant Other? Friend? Other half? “Roommate”? If you want to know, just ask! (and by the way, I prefer the term partner, he prefers the term husband…aren’t differences neat?)
I’ll end with a message that I got from one of the conference speakers who works in the U.S. House of Representatives.
“If you want to live in a world that allows you to put a picture of your partner on your desk at work, then put a picture of your partner on your desk and you will live in that world.”
Being gay is just one part of what makes me me. Being straight is only one part of what makes you you. Personally, I’m more interested in discovering and talking about all the others things.