I attended Michael Jackson’s wedding yesterday. Well, more accurately, I was a groomsman in the wedding. But even more accurately, I was late to the wedding and was barely able to get in to just sit in the congregation…it’s a long story, but here you go.

I was actually across town, but had left myself plenty of time to get to the cathedral for the wedding. My wife was already there waiting for me, but I was getting something repaired on my tuxedo coat, and unfortunately the shop was nowhere near the cathedral. Anyway, the coat was finally fixed (after much “influencing” from me), and I went outside to hail a taxi, which arrived very shortly.

I told the driver that I needed to get to the cathedral, and we began, what I assumed would be a very quick 5-10 minute drive, 15 minutes at the most. Well I was busy fiddling with the coat in the back seat, and doing some last minute communications with my mobile phone, and before I realized it, we were heading out of town! I have no idea what the driver was thinking, but I screamed “Where are you going?? The cathedral is the other way!”

I didn’t actually mean to scream at him, but I was so shocked at being now VERY far away from the church, it just came shouting out of my mouth. He did not seemed flustered, and we took an exit off the highway and he made a u-turn to get back going the right direction. But as karma would have it, my shouting must have flustered him more than I was aware of because he lost control of the taxi and there we were in a ditch on the entrance ramp. I was furious, needless to say.
I got on my cell phone and called the cops to let them know about the accident. In hindsight, I should have called or sent a note to my wife first telling her there was a problem, but at this point, I was more concerned about how I was ever going to get back to the cathedral. Actually, the taxi was not damaged that much and it would certainly be fine to drive, but it was at a significant downward slope and would require towing to get back onto the road.

While I was on the phone with the cops, the driver became aware of who I was talking to and seemed to get very agitated. I’m not sure if it was because he was worried that the cops would deport him…or if it was because he was part of some secret mafia group intent on keeping me from the wedding, but that was just a silly thought at the time.

Anyway – we eventually got towed backwards onto the entrance ramp (after much impatience on my part), and we zoomed off to the cathedral. Unfortunately, when I arrived, the doors to the sanctuary had already been closed, and my wife had decided to sit out in the lobby waiting for me. I didn’t know this at the time, so I was running around trying to find an open door that would allow me into the sanctuary. Thankfully, I did find one that was not being manned by a security guard. They would have recognized me anyway, but I wasn’t necessarily thinking clearly at this point.
I was able to get into the sanctuary, but unfortunately, was too late to get into the wedding party, so I found a spot near the front and took my seat. I was very concerned that my wife was not there, so I quickly pulled my mobile out and tried to send her a text to find out where she was and tell her to find the open door. Meanwhile, the wedding party (the grooms and bridesmaids) were beginning a choreographed dance-like routine, creating an archway for a procession of special guests to the wedding.

I was amazed at the number of dignitaries, and celebrities that entered the sanctuary at that point. I certainly didn’t remember this from the rehearsal dinner. Anyway, that ended, and the singing began. There were numerous guest singers, and each of them had hair that was bigger and taller than I’d even seen in the 80’s, but they certainly could sing. But really, if you’re asked to sing for Michael Jackson’s wedding, you had better be very good. People were really going all-out for this event, but hey, how often do people get married these days?

There were a LOT of children in the sanctuary, and I can’t tell you how many times I heard “shhhhhhh!” from irritated mothers. This is one of my pet peeves – children in public. Leave them at home if they can’t behave…

Anyway…the culmination of the ceremony was an emotional catharsis for me. All of a sudden, every door to the sanctuary opened up, at hundreds of fans had lined the walls of the cathedral, and were singing in unison. I literally had tears. It was beautiful. We took a lot of pictures afterward, which will eventually get posted. All in all, and after many apologies to the groom, it was a success.

What a wonderful way to start the new year!

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