Memorial Day.

For me, Memorial Day is the ultimate in celebrations. I can picture it now. What it might look like, who might attend, what I would be wearing, how fabulous my hair would look, people being overheard saying “Love your hair, hope you win!”.

For me, it’s never too soon to plan the Memorial Day festivities.

First let’s talk about the food. Hot cider or wine punch, fresh seafood salads, maybe some rock shrimp or rock lobster WOO!, finger sandwiches, hand sandwiches, a SUBWAY party sub, exotic barbecued things, spectacular ethnic dishes served with hot sauce. The essence of every celebration is having the ultimate spread. Without a massive buffet, people get bored and leave. Because really, when there is nothing more to talk about, people either get married, or eat. This is why the USA is the fattest nation in the world.

No, that’s not PHAT, though some of us are definitely Pretty Hot And Tempting. It’s FAT - Americans eat all the time! You can’t walk any direction from my house without running into 4 Chinese, 2 Sushi, 4 American, 2 Mexican, or 8 Cafe restaurants, all within a 5 mile radius. Apparently we’ve nothing left to discuss, so we all retreat to the buffet line and fill our mouths with food so that in the event we DO think of something to talk about, our mouths are too full of soft chimichangas to bother. Anyway.

So now the food is planned. Next comes the entertainment. For me, any celebration worth its sea-salt (see what I did there? If you are still using regular salt, you can’t come to my Memorial Day) must have PHAT entertainment. At a minimum, a dance floor must be provided. And if you have a dance floor, you must have music. I prefer a professional DJ to mix it up for the event. Using a pro allows the guests to concentrate on dancing, instead of running to the CD changer every 4 minutes and 52 seconds (based on average track length of 100 statistically analyzed Top 50 cd’s).

Another reason to have a DJ is to allow guests to request songs, and feel like they are part of the process. Granted, most people request songs like Mamma Mia, or Here Comes the Rain Again, which are virtually impossible to dance to based on today’s standards, but atleast they feel like they are part of something larger than themselves.

Next on the list, is quite possibly the most important item to plan for. The Rent-A-Guest (TM). As with any celebration, there are going to be a lot of attendees that you may have never seen before. In these situations, it is sometimes necessary to salt the audience (if they are slugs) with Rent-A-Guest(TM) personnel known as “Instigators”.

These “Instigators” are responsible for getting the party started right, and getting the party started quickly, right?. They mingle with strangers, treating them like long-lost friends, and encourage people to get out on the dance floor to get their boogie on. Without the R-A-G(TM) you run the risk of a celebration that never moves more than 2 feet away from the buffet table, and ends at 7pm.

Now that we’ve planned the food, entertainment, and instigation, it’s time to concentrate on decor. We don’t want something too over the top, unless it’s Mardi Gras, which is an entirely different M Day. We also don’t want something too sombre that makes people feel sleepy. I find that a nice mix of floral arrangements, streamers, balloons, banners, and ice sculptures, makes a simple yet elegant atmosphere. The balloons give any child in attendance something to pop. The ice sculptures double as a conversation piece, and a punch cooler. Streamers and banners are great to fill any empty wall or ceiling space. And flowers and plants can be used to accent any area that needs a little colour.

Of course any time you have decoration, it is always important to have good lighting. Overhead or fluorescents are always a no-no. I prefer to use strategically positioned halogen spot lighting to enhance specific areas of the room, art on a wall, or maybe even an ice sculpture to give the appearance of glow. This also allows the resident Diva’s to bask in their own personal spotlight, if so inclined.

So now I’m almost done planning. I have the food, the entertainment, the instigators, the decorations, and the lighting. But for me, what it really all boils down to when planning my perfect Memorial Day is the colour of the felt in my coffin. I’m thinking hot magenta…

This sarcastic entry was posted on Monday, May 26th, 2008 at 8:56 am and is filed under About Heath, Holidays. You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.