We’re moving on to week two of the American Idol auditions…and if you thought week one was interesting, just wait until you see what happens this go around. In the same twitter-esque style before, let’s go!

City: San Francisco

1. Intro montage of the freeks, geeks, and drama queens of SFO.
2. In-line marriage proposal and marriage, while Ryan walks around in a zipper jacket and the judges make fun of him.
3. Tatiana from PR just can’t stop giggling and giving the camera sultry looks. Delusional.
4. Vogue fashion montage (and I’m referring to the song).
5. When all else fails, wear a sofa-coat to your audition, but it won’t get you to Hollywood.
6. “We love you Jesus” posters…and they aren’t referring to the Christian guy. Sing well, or just bring in your kids to win over the judges.
7. Love how Randy pretends he’s the all important swing-vote. He’s not.
8. Solving a Rubiks cube in 24 seconds does not make you a singer, but it will get you a “Good lookin’ out” from Randy.
9. Montage of badness and bitch session between Simon and Kara.
10. Science lesson from Akilah who sings from her “trash-E-uh”. I need a shot of tekilah after listening to that.
11. The 4-Yes Montage.
12. Adam Lambert is all kinds of cute and did a great job with Queen.
13. I don’t like sob stories, at least until you get into the Top 20. Everyone has a story, but come on…can you sing or can’t you?
14. Important Learning – if you want to learn confidence just watch Simon.

City: Louisville

1. Cecile Frot-Coutaz is the coolest name of ever. And I mean ever.
2. There’s something wrong about auditioning at a horse racing track.
3. Montage on how to say “Louisville”. Lewville, Leweyville, etc.
4. “Put it up to your lips and blow” – referring to a trumpet.
5. The day starts off with a Mariah wanna-be with bleached blond hair and absolutely no tone with some strange accent.
6. Joanna Pacitti is not only GORGEOUS but she can kick it out dawg.
7. I love it when the families hug Ryan when their child gets a golden ticket.
8. “I’ve almost died five times.” – descendant of “His name is Mudd” from the Lincoln era.
9. If you say “be careful” to a judge, they are going to take that as a threat, especially from a Mudd.
10. Brent Keith Smith would have been hot if he wasn’t wearing a cross. Oh who’s kidding, he was HOT.
11. Bad singer montage.
12. Matt Giraud, the dueling piano player was not only sexy, but had a very raw and delicious voice like Gavin Degraw. (Simon compared him to Elliot Yamin)
13. Ross Plavsic decided that it wasn’t bad enough to butcher his song…he needed to take a sip of Paula’s drink – “He’s sipping through my straw!”. I think he was testing it for vodka.
14. Alexis Grace has got some major strong black woman inside her.
15. Another bad singer montage.
16. A whole bunch of WHOO!!! WHOO!!!
17. It’s a bad idea to sing a Carrie Underwood song for your audition. Trust me on this.
18. Finally a good singer montage, with a whole lotta screamin’.
19. More stories…we all have them…sing, or no sing, there is no try. As I said before I do not want to know your story and get all involved with you unless you’re in the Top 20.
20. “We hope that Randy, Simon, Paula….and the new judge love her.” Her name is Kara.
21. 19 folks are off to Hollywood, and Heath is off to bed.