Whew!

We’re finally done with all those pesky holidays, and now we can get on with our lives. No more buying presents, wrapping them in secret, hiding them under a paganly decorated tree… No more prepping for parties, spending crazy amounts of money on eggnog ingredients, honey baked hams, and mulling spices…

And no more cheery people walking around wishing you happy and merry and joyous things. Finally we can get back to our normal bitter selves who don’t care a lick about anyone else but ourselves .

It’s amazing how quickly it all passes. Christmas decorations and goodies are on the shelves before Halloween is over. We sort of just skip over Thanksgiving except for all the two for one turkey deals at the grocery store – but even those are just prepping you for Christmas dinner.

Now we’re on to what next…Valentine’s Day? Yeah – I’ve already seen bags of chocolate easter eggs in the store. I mean seriously…there should just be a “holiday” aisle in every store and you walk from one end to the other passing through every possible holiday there is in the year.

To your left you can pick up some chocolates in a box shaped like a heart, then reach to your right and grab an Easter basket filled with plastic grass. Take another step forward and get some fireworks for the 4th of July, and don’t forget to pick up some President’s Day / Columbus Day / MLKJ Day / and all the other days goodies on the other side of the aisle. Near the end of the aisle you’ll find the pilgrim costumes next to the…well, pilgrim costumes, and then of course tree skirts.

It could work actually. You could get an entire year of holiday shopping done on one aisle. Imagine an IKEA Holiday Aisle. It would be, hands down, the busiest aisle in the entire complex. You’d have to bring your entire family, each of them pushing a cart.

It’s sad really. Just when we thought we were coming down from a triptophan high we are off to the next big thing. No wonder people don’t care about holidays any more, there are too many of them. There should be one big holiday right in the middle of the year – everyone gets a week off of work, all around the planet, and we celebrate every single possible holiday right then and there. Fireworks, parties, drinking and dancing in the streets, music and merriment, all around the world on the same day.

Dangit! I’m talking about New Years without even realizing it! Didn’t we just finish Christmas???