* Image from American Idol

Yes, yes, I realize the title is completely tongue in cheek. Of COURSE American Idol started this week – are you kidding me that I wouldn’t watch every single solitary moment of that show???

For those of you who have been following my life for the last several years (or at least my blog), you will know that I am completely and utterly addicted to American Idol. I mean, obsessed. That is obsession is one reason why I have been deluged with people asking me, “Heath why on earth haven’t you blogged about the season premier of American Idol???”

And so here is my response.

As AI rolled into the city of Boston to kick off their Season 9, we were very quickly reminded that Paula Abdul was no longer part of this amazing cultural experiment. We saw footage of her on the red carpet splattered with news headlines about leaving the show. It was a sad way to begin. And then we see the announcement about Ellen joining the program – which doesn’t make sense to me to promo now, since we won’t see her until all the auditions are done and we get to the live shows. A bit early I feel.

I adore Ellen, yes I do. But please, please, please Ellen don’t repeat the experience we had when you guest judged on SYTYCD. I don’t want to see a comedy routine every week on AI. Love ya. Mean it.

Then the auditions began and honestly the only thing that kept me interested was Simon. To even think about his biting wit leaving the program, only to be overtaken by Kara (because you KNOW she’s going to want that seat as soon as he’s gone), is just too hard of a thought to bear. Frankly, I’m not sure I want to watch once he’s gone because he’s the only opinion that matters (and he knows it).

There were one or two auditions that were interesting: the girl with the autistic brothers, and the angry guy who was frustrated at having to wait so many hours to audition (he was our favourite of the night because he totally pissed off Kara which was delicious, and then Simon wound up liking the guy in the end, and we did too – you know he liked him because he pissed off Kara…)

Anyway – the whole thing was just one big “meh”. I didn’t feel it. Posh Spice offered nothing to the process, and frankly neither did Kara but I wasn’t expecting her to. Randy Dawg Jackson did the same thing he does every season, “I kinda like you, but I am going to say it in such a way that it sounds like I’m begrudgingly saying it until Simon says he likes you then I will really genuinely like you.”

If it’s going to be like this I need to see more stories of tragedy before I will care. I felt this way last season during the auditions too – they fell completely flat for me and I considered not watching the season. But of course I did, and it was awesome (if only because Adam Lambert stole the season).

So…here’s to the season premier of American Idol. May Kara be forbidden to co-write the finale song, and may Victoria Beckham go back to guest judging Project Runway where telling someone that they look nice actually means something on the show.

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