If you missed the American Idol auditions this week, you only missed two things: split jeans and handcuffs. That’s pretty much it for Chicago and Orlando. Sad right?

I suppose it’s par for the course in a year where I’m already feeling the absence of Paula and the intrusion of Kara. She just gets more and more empowered every episode doesn’t she? She and Kristin Chenoweth were pretty much over the top with their girl power (although thank you Shania Twain for not falling into the pit of obnoxiousness). Poor Simon. Randy even tried to get in on the mix and Simon had to admonish him at one point with a stern “Randy”. Yeah – who’s the boss? (if you say Kara I will smack you)

The highlights of this week (seriously these were the ONLY highlights):

• During an audition the guy decides he’s going to do the splits, and quite literally split the crotch of his pants so bad that he might as well have not been wearing pants at all. The judges thought it was the best part of the audition and he was right through to Hollywood. Thankfully, he’ll get cut in the first week most likely and we won’t have to keep seeing clips of it.
• If you really think you can sing, but your voice sounds like a lawnmower, you really need to take the hint and leave the room. If security has to get involved it’s never a good thing, and when they pull out the handcuffs it’s even worse. As far as I can remember it’s the first time that someone has been arrested during their audition, but something tells me it won’t be the last the way this season is going.

I am so not feeling it so far. Where are all the Adam Lambert wannabee’s? I mean, can’t he at least have a younger brother or cousin who shows up and plays the relative card? There’s absolutely nothing unique happening so far – certainly not Simon’s choice of wardrobe.

I didn’t feel it last year at this point, and I’m feeling it even less this year. Power Trip DioGuardi is on a roll without Paula there to remind her that Kara got her start living in Paula’s guest room. What’s next? A singoff with a contestant who challenges Kara to sing better than they do. You know it’s coming…