Is it appropriate for me to talk about having a bowel movement that happened so quickly that it created a vacuum in my intestinal tract?

What if I mention the yellow pus that squirted out from my second toe because of an ingrown toenail?

Is there a boundary of appropriate content for ones personal blog? Perhaps…perhaps not. These are conversations that I am able to have with my partner and close friends…one topic is normal biological function, one is only gross in that the pus is a nasty yellow colour - but again a normal bodily function to heal an infection.

And admit it - that first one either made you gasp or burst out laughing…and gasping increases oxygen flow and laughing is heart healthy, so that makes this blog medically sound.

But seriously…I CAN talk about whatever I want, but SHOULD I. Do you really want to hear about bodily functions/infections? The answer is likely, no.

About a year ago I wrote a post called You Can’t Do That On Blogs.  In that post I talked about slander, copyright, libel, and using unreferenced images or those not in the public domain.

But even with those “restrictions”, you can still pretty much blog about any topic that you want. You can talk about technology, fashion, business, pets, religion, hobbies, politics, movies, moral issues, whatever - because it’s your personal public blog - and a lot of what you talk about is covered under your Freedom of Speech.

So while I have the freedom to do it, again, it might not be in my best interest to do so. I might lose readers that I so cherish because they don’t want to hear about the latest secretion from my toe. On the flip side, I might gain readers who like to hear about medical oddities. Do I want both kinds of readers, sure, but which do I want more?

One has to be careful not to alienate people who actively help carry on the conversation, because that’s really what blogs are about - creating conversation, sharing ideas, adding value to readers. And I, like all writers, often have trouble coming up with a topic to write about. There are many times when I vacillate on whether I want to keep blogging, and then a new topic pops into my mind during a conversation and voila, you get another post.

As long as you all keep coming back and keep commenting, I’ll keep coming up with volumes of wit and sarcasm to keep you entertained.

And no more posts about BM’s or pus. I promise. For now.

As most of you know I’m terribly fond of words and language. Rachelle knows this, and she gave me a Forgotten English Page-A-Day Calendar way back at the beginning of the year.

I am pleased to share with you the calendar footnote for June 25, because I think it’s topical and an interesting concept that is still practiced today in Neopaganism.

Guid Nychburris,

a fair whose name meant “good neighbors” was held in late June in Dumfries, Scotland. Its medieval origin is steeped in a tradition of helping quarreling citizens reconcile their differences. John Sinclair’s Statistical Account of Scotland (1791) alluded to this gathering as a venue for another friendly custom: “At that fair, it was the custom for the unmarried persons to choose a companion with whom they were to live till that time next year. This was called handfasting. If they were pleased they continued together for life. If not, they separated and were free to make another choice.”

Let’s talk about the upsides:

• Imagine how this could solve many of our societal marriage challenges (and I’m not referring to gay marriage - I’m referring to divorce rates, sham marriages, Las Vegas marriages, 24 hour annulments, Pam Anderson’s marriages, domestic violence, etc.).
• It’s basically like a trial marriage…you have a boyfriend/girlfriend for a year, live together, see how it all works out, and then openly and honestly determine if it’s for the long-term. If not, no hard feelings, just move on to the next hottie in town.
• Many relationships fail after people move in together, because that’s when you’re really put to the test of being able to tolerate another person in your space. This handfasting process would give you the test, and if you fail, you’ve only got to wait until the next festival to try again until you pass.
• Handfasting provides the ability to have same gender coupling, or even multi-partner coupling for those who wish to have more than two people in their family (reference) - very progressive

So what are the downsides?

• You’ve got to wait a year, even if you know after a few days, or a month, that it’s not going to be a long term relationship.
• If you fool around on your chosen handfaster, that’s likely not going to bode well the next time you go to the party :-).
• Constant moving! I don’t know about you, but I hate moving. I don’t even like moving offices at work. Boxing up your life every year and moving to someone else’s house, or having them move into yours would be disastrous if it’s only for a year. Bring on the U-Haul.

I’m sure there are many more upsides and downsides, but I’m interested in what YOU think about this interesting festival…

* Image from Wikipedia

I am in urgent need of your help. Someone is missing their gum! Is it yours?

I am sure that they are worried sick about their gum - I can only imagine what it must feel like to be on-site, enjoying your chew, “accidentally” spitting your gum out onto the floor without knowing it, and then hours later realize that it’s missing.

I can’t even imagine the pain and mental torment I would go through knowing that my gum is out there… somewhere… desperately trying to find me again yet not knowing where to look. Would I report the gum missing? Would there be an internal investigation to determine when I last tasted the gum? Would anyone really be able to help me?

I might even put up signs and offer a reward. The gum means that much to me. Search parties aren’t out of the question…let’s canvas the building from the lobby to the cafe - it’s got to be here somewhere!

Won’t you help me find the owner of this gum? I know they must be missing it…

Exactly two years ago to the day, I wrote a little ditty about the mosquito.

We had just returned from a camping trip to Sly Park and had been completely devoured by these prehistoric blood suckers. As you recently read, we just got back from another camping trip, this one up in Napa Valley. And once again, I am still discovering mosquito bites all over my body.

Coincidentally, I was looking through the archives and discovered this post, so here I present the deliciously updated version.

I’d like to start off with telling you how much I hate the mosquito - they are unspeakably wicked.

I hate the sound they make when they are near my ear - that high pitched, whining, buzzing, irritating noise that says, “I’m getting close to your ear lobe, and when I get there, boy am I going to have a feast!” (and yes, I am one of the lucky people over the age of 21 who can still hear this super-ultra-hyper-sonic sound)

I hate the pain caused when they puncture my skin. Usually they have already flown away, full of my rum-filled-blood, by the time I realize they were there so it’s rare that I am able to murder one and prevent future bites, but I do try.

I hate the red bumpy lump that swells up post-puncture. I swell like I’ve had an allergic reaction. It’s like every blood cell in my body rushes to the point of puncture giving me a second head on my neck or a second arm coming out of one of my others…it’s crazy wild swelling.

I hate the itch. You may not know, but in the animal kingdom the sensation of itch is so difficult to withstand that animals will scratch themselves until they bleed, because pain is preferable to the itch. Who knew? Me.

So…exactly two years ago today, David, Scott, Roque, and I went to Sly Park for a camping getaway. We’ve done this several times before, and always enjoy a relaxing weekend amongst the trees and the water. Our last trip to Sly Park was actually in the midst of huge fires in the Sierra’s, and the entire place was covered in smoke, until the rain came, and completely washed it away (including us). Packing up in the rain, $2.00…having lunch at Mel’s Diner, while still dripping wet…priceless.

This time, however, there was no rain. We had grand weather all weekend, especially for our hike back to a beautiful waterfall created by a drainage system owned by the US Bureau of Water Reclamation. The weather stayed within the 80’s during the day, and in the 50’s at night…thankfully we have a large tent that provided adequate protection from the elements. Unfortunately not from the crazy people driving around blasting their stereo systems…and it wasn’t even good music!

Anyhoo…mosquitos. They were out in FORCE this weekend. Despite three citronella spirals burning, a raging fire producing anti-mosquito smoke, and a recently purchased insect repellent spray…we were attacked mercilessly. I think we determined that the spray actually attracted the insects instead of sending them flying away…however, it did have a nice scent and had aloe to moisturize our recently swollen skin.

All in all, a wonderful time of hiking, rafting, and drinking was had by all. If you are in the greater-Sacramento area, Sly Park is just a quick 45 minute drive up into the foothills, and despite the mosquito infestation, is a nice relaxing place to spend a weekend.

* Mosquito image from Wikimedia CC license.

Some days ago, I was embroiled in an interesting conversation with a coworker about the stress and life-sucking that goes on because of work and life distractions. I was also noticing the volume of grey hair I’m developing above my ears. It might have been that which concerned me more than the other stuff, but regardless, it prompted a question, which I’ll get to in a moment.

In the last six months I have gone from having 3-5 grey hairs above my ears to over 20. Ok, maybe 30.

Six months! Granted, there have been some very stressful situations at work, but come on. I’m really not that old, and yet there they are…and they aren’t from age, they are 100% confirmed, from stress. I’ve had them tested. But that’s not the point. The point is, the thought that occurred was, could I sue for damages because my life has been sucked away from me not unlike the Pit of Despair scene in The Princess Bride? And if I could, how much is a year of life worth?

What is the value of one year of your life?

It’s got to be more than your annual salary, because that’s just an artificial valuation of your contributions (hopefully) based on measurements, statistics, averages, and other nonsensical stuff. Even if you determined an hourly rate of your life and multiplied it by the number of hours in a typical year (1 year = 8765.81277 hours) would that still really give you the true value of you living for a year?

How would you value the influence you have on others, or the changes you make that might cause something to happen a year from now that would never have happened had you not done the original thing? And realistically, COULD you even put a value on all the possible outcomes? Unlikely. So really what it comes down to is what would a jury of your peers award you for damages.

That’s where the numbers become fun. You can get billions of dollars from tobacco companies because you failed to heed the warnings about smoking (or the nasty smell that your friends constantly complained about). You can get millions upon millions in wrongful death lawsuits. So let’s say an entire life lost is worth, let’s find a recent one in the news, $25 million (that’s the supposed estimate for John Ritter).

If you average 85 years, that works out to about $294,117.65 a year. I think we know there are a heck of a lot of people who make more than that in their annual salary. Should those people be valued more than a famous actor who made us laugh and smile for so many years? Should those of us with significantly lower salaries or job glamour be devalued? Is there something like an adjustable rate mortgage on a year of your life than can wax and wane based on your annual accomplishments? If you influenced more people this year, are you worth more?

It’s completely philosophical I suppose, and I’m not really interested in finding THE answer…but I am interested in what YOU think the value of one year of your life is, and why.

I actually heard Cokie Roberts, NPR Commentator, use the word “illegitimate” to describe a child born outside a marriage in a news interview this morning.

Let’s take a look at what that word means, and for that, we consult the book:

Main Entry: il·le·git·i·mate \-ˈji-tə-mət\
Function: adjective
Date: 1536 (note how antiquated the word is)
1: not recognized as lawful offspring; specifically : born of parents not married to each other

2: not rightly deduced or inferred : illogical

3: departing from the regular : erratic

4 a: not sanctioned by law : illegal b: not authorized by good usage cof a taxon : published but not in accordance with the rules of the relevant international code
— il·le·git·i·mate·ly adverb

First off…it’s an antiquated (yes I like the word) belief that children born outside of an Old Testament defined marriage is a big deal. It amazes me that some people actually believe that the only families that exist on the planet are those composed of 1 female mother, 1 male father, married, with a child.

Second off…children are “legitimate” just by the nature of being born on this planet, although I will admit that many of us do “depart from the regular” - but then again, who defines what regular is. And to me, regular changes every day.

Third off…what educated person still uses that word to describe a child born outside marriage? None of them. Only dumb people do. It would be like calling the child a “bastard”. Dumb.

</rant>

First:

AP - Video-game publisher Take-Two Interactive Software Inc. said Wednesday that sales of its popular and eagerly anticipated title “Grand Theft Auto IV” reached more than $500 million in its first week of availability. [Link]

And then:

AP - Cablevision Systems Corp. is buying the Sundance Channel, a cable network founded by Robert Redford, for $496 million, the New York-area cable TV company announced Wednesday. [Link]

Is it just me, or is anyone else cracking up that a video game made more in a week than an entire cable network does when it sells? How sad.

I freely admit that I know nothing about the game other than what I’ve heard and read in the news lately, but I would much rather watch good independent film than pretend I’m a drunk driver and kill people.