For Sunday brunch, David and I decided to try a new place that opened up in our neck of the woods called Crepe Escape. We were hoping for a sit-down restaurant with waiters and water bringers and such, but no, it wasn’t that kind of place.

In fact, it was Crepeville dressed up with a new name and fresh splatter paint instead. I’m not a fan of Crepeville, having had numerous bad-food experiences there to make me realize there are much better places to have crepes, but this wasn’t Crepeville, it was Crepe Escape. See the difference?

Anyway - artistically and aesthetically, the place gets high marks. The texturing on the walls is a pleasing burnt auburn colour, and they have intricate tree art that comes up the wall, out of the wall into a 3 dimensional tree then back into the wall as 2D art. Very slick and you can tell it took a while.

And that’s where the enjoyment ended. For months they worked on this place - we watched them building the facade, the outdoor patio, doing the paint texturizing, etc…and wouldn’t you know it I guess they couldn’t find the time to get a simple credit card machine. That’s right…a hand written sign was taped to the front of the cash register that said:

Cash or checks only. Sorry.

You’re having the same reaction I am right now, right? Checks? Um…CHECKS? Who in their right mind writes checks any more? And who in their right mind stands in line while fifty people in front of them are all writing checks because the place won’t take plastic? Not me, that’s for sure.

Anyway…We had about 5 people in front of us and all of them wrote checks. Absurd. Thankfully I had a $20 in my wallet and we moved ahead. Two crepes, two large house coffees. We sat down at a corner table and waited for our food.

The first problem is that the coffee mugs had no size variation. Whether you ordered large or small - same size cup. When we asked why we paid more, we were told we got free refills. Ok then how do they know who got small which doesn’t get refills and large which does? They don’t. I know this because we never got any refills - and neither did anyone else around us.

Next up, the food. The homestyle potatoes were fine, the crepe was not. David’s was too salty to eat and tasted like it had just been microwaved. Mine was tolerable, but it needed sour cream, so I asked for a side. It never showed up. I waited, and waited, and no sour cream.

We ate half our food then got up to leave. I stopped the manager on our way out and told him we would not be back. I provided specific examples of our food being yucky, no coffee refills, never got the sour cream, and they don’t take plastic. We walked out the door never to return.

If you’re in Sacramento and you want good crepes, don’t go anywhere but Danielle’s at Fair Oaks Blvd. and Watt Ave. You’ll never be disappointed.

*Crepe imagery from Wikimedia Commons

I am in urgent need of your help. Someone is missing their gum! Is it yours?

I am sure that they are worried sick about their gum - I can only imagine what it must feel like to be on-site, enjoying your chew, “accidentally” spitting your gum out onto the floor without knowing it, and then hours later realize that it’s missing.

I can’t even imagine the pain and mental torment I would go through knowing that my gum is out there… somewhere… desperately trying to find me again yet not knowing where to look. Would I report the gum missing? Would there be an internal investigation to determine when I last tasted the gum? Would anyone really be able to help me?

I might even put up signs and offer a reward. The gum means that much to me. Search parties aren’t out of the question…let’s canvas the building from the lobby to the cafe - it’s got to be here somewhere!

Won’t you help me find the owner of this gum? I know they must be missing it…

Last night I was sitting on the sofa at home, watching So You Think You Can Dance…they were announcing the Top 20 that will be on the show. I was snacking on some pretzels and mustard, and when I was done I set the bowl on the little table in front of me and continued watching the program.

Lasher started wandering around pestering me, but then he spotted the small dish of yellow mustard sitting on the table in front of me. He gave it a few sniffs, and I thought, “he’s going to back off quickly from the smell” because usually the cats don’t like things with strong smells. But he didn’t.

He put his face right down into the dish and started licking the mustard. I was in shock. I said “David, look quick!” and we both laughed as Lasher licked it a few more times and then decided he’d had enough. He then licked the air for a while, and I was sure the mustard was going to come right back up…but turns out he liked it. He even went back to have more until I took the bowl away.


So I did a little hunting around about cats and mustard, and I found two very interesting references to share with you…

First, a joke: How do you make a cat eat mustard?

Second, a He-Man episode that never happened.

* Mustard image from Wikimedia Commons

Everyone who reads this needs to rush out and buy a 5lb. bag

And as it says right there on the wrapper - they are indeed, delicious caramel. They start out hard in the wrapper, but as soon as they encounter the warmth of a salivating mouth, they acquiesce into creamy goodness. These might actually be the best candy of ever.

Consider it me doing my part to encourage childhood obesity.

Cheers!

I love diet Pepsi Vanilla.

As I sat at dinner the other night, watching the two ladies at the table across from me, both on their cell phones….I wondered, do they even realize how insane they look?

How can you go to dinner with someone and then spend half of the evening on the phone talking to someone else?

And even more so, how can you be so inconsiderate to the people around you to be screaming into your mobile phone in a restaurant!

Awareness people! Realize that the world is bigger, and much more interesting than you are! Well, at least for these two people who obviously were too busy to socialize and interact with someone sitting right in front of them.

Bridging that gap between appropriate and inappropriate is sometimes difficult. We live in a world of technology that makes it easier than ever to reach family, friends, business partners, and customers with the mere touch of a button.

And instantly, they are there. Because they too have the technology and don’t hesitate to use it no matter where they are.

Technology has a downside…it has made our lives much less personal than before. I myself have fallen victim to technology, and love to send text messages. I find that sending a text message is MUCH more appropriate that picking up the phone sometimes, especially if I am in a public place. But even then, looking around a room to see everyone punching buttons madly into their phone takes some of the joy out of life too.

I recently realized as well, I need to make a change, so I’ve decided that I can no longer stand to talk on the phone. I get bored very easily with what the other person has to say when I’m on the phone, so it’s time to stop…if I can’t sit face to face with you and have a conversation, it’s just not the same.

I want to be aware of your rich and interesting facial expressions, the intonation in your voice that is often lost over a digital connection (and especially in an email or text message), and I want to know that you are indeed paying attention to me when I am talking to you instead of finishing up that last email to your boss before leaving for the day.

Being aware of the world around you is what it’s all about. Cliché to say “stop and smell the roses” but do people even realize there are still roses any more?

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” - Leo Tolstoy

By popular demand, I present to you again, the true story of Halloween.

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Is everyone feeling hella good??? I know that when this special dark day of the year rolls around (not to be confused with Hershey’s Special Dark Chocolates), I’m feeling hella great! Or for those of you with small children reading this, you are permitted to feel hecka great, although hecka great doesn’t even come close to feeling hella great.What a joyous and fun day to celebrate the exhumation of spirits and ghouls and ghosts and zombies that creep out from every tomb and are closing in to seal your doom (snaps to MJ). Hellaween is my second favourite helladay just after Xmas. Third on the list is Turkey Day, and then after that, there are no other helladays that float my boat. Hellaween and Xmas are the only two major helladays in our culture that require massive amounts of decorations, themed parties, and costuming. Houses are decorated with strands of orange lights and pumpkins for Hellaween, and are decorated with strands of white and multicoloured lights and trees for Xmas.Hellaween brings us carved pumpkins, while Xmas brings us carved turkeys and hams. For the dark helladay we dress up in costumes that could be scary, funny, wild, or crazy, and for the bright helladay, we dress up in festive reds and whites indicative of the leader of Xmas, Santa Clause. Hellaween, however, doesn’t really have the same type of official mascot as Xmas. In fact, when we look across the gamut of helladays, can you think of any other that has that official figurehead? Personally I think it’s about time for an officially designated leader of Hellaween.

Those of you who are huge fans of The Nightmare Before Xmas, may begin the lobby for Jack Skellington, that hollow-headed, insane creature who has a fascination for women with stitches all over their bodies. Others of you might feel that because this is the dark helladay, we need a more loathsome, e-ville (as in frew-its of the de-ville) type of creature like Satan, the Devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Fallen One, or some other derivative of the former angel of music (if you didn’t get this, please refer to the Music Makes a People Come Together Editorial).

But this can’t be a happy story…we are talking about the dark helladay you know…so let us reflect on that most memorable day in our history…The Great Hellaween Massacre…

Enter my Hellavision. A massively evil orange pumpkin man, basically the size of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man from that classic Hellaween movie, Ghostbusters. What other figure could simultaneously cause explosions of laughter and screams of terror from children everywhere, as the Hellaween Evil Man-Pumpkin (HEMP) comes crashing through their neighbourhoods, stealing candy, decorations, and any child dressed up as a pumpkin.

Panic would ensue on Hellaween, as children everywhere begin to see a massive pumpkin moving toward their city. Not knowing what was happening, who this was, where it came from, and why it was so orange and as big as the sun. The screaming would start, as trick-or-treat’ers would begin the mad dash home, as the HEMP begins taking over the terrified population, summoning ghosts and ghouls from the depths of every mortuary in town.

Eerie bats, who make that WEEE WEEE WEEE sound would fly out from caverns deep in the mountains…vampire bats, swooping down on unsuspecting children, picking them up and carrying them into the lair of the evil HEMP. There he would munch and crunch (good crunchings and munchings, snaps to DB).

Screams would come from all corners of the globe as children raced to change their costumes into something other than pumpkins so that the HEMP would pass them over. Parents would quickly smash all of their carved pumpkins into the street, not only in protest and defiance, but so the HEMP wouldn’t see how they had desecrated his next of kin. Orange lights on houses would quickly be replaced with black, so the HEMP couldn’t see the scared children hiding behind the fake tombstones and witch statues.

HEMP would smash buildings, rip out trees, break darns causing huge floods, throw cars around like little toys, express copious amounts of cloudy gas from his pumpkin butt, and generally irritate anyone in the vicinity. After an unnecessary number of hours, the government would declare a state of emergency. The HEMP must be stopped! We must send in the armed guards dressed in orange camo! We must send in hellacopters and tanks! We must smite the HEMP and protect our children from the dark helladay! But the HEMP would be too powerful against the tiny army that was left after the rest of them had already been sent across the world to smite a secondary evil, and so the people of the country would unite against HEMP on their own. (there would be a special referendum that they would vote on, to abolish the HEMP)

“DOWN WITH THE HEMP, DOWN WITH THE HEMP” they would shout, as parents and children would arm themselves with the pitchforks that were stuck in haystacks in their front yard decorations, and carving knives from the pumpkin carving set, and torches burning bright to illuminate the city in the unnatural darkness of Hellaween. HEMP would crash into the center of the town, surrounded by an angry mob, blasting his cloudy gas and grabbing children who hadn’t had time to change costumes and sending them flying into his gaping, toothy mouth.

The angry crowd would begin chanting, “BURN THE HEMP, BURN THE HEMP, SMOKE HIM OUT!!!”. Flames would erupt around the HEMP, as he tried to jump up a building and get away from the flames, but the force of the parents and children in costumes would overpower him, burning his tender orange flesh. Dark black smoke would fill the air on Hellaween, blocking out the last rays of the smoldering sun, sending children and parents dashing through the darkness with costumes and capes blowing behind, as the HEMP comes crashing down into a blaze of glory. A Hellaween bonfire if you will.

The HEMP gets hotter and hotter, he starts to expand, and bulge, then suddenly explodes, sending bits of pumpkin and freshly baked seeds flying across all corners of the earth, smacking children in the face blowing them miles away with the force of the seeds. Ghosts and ghouls flying in every direction with faces full of cooked pumpkin. Showers of orange splattering houses and buildings, trees and mountains, filling the lakes and rivers with an orange soupy gunk.

At last the explosions stop. The angry and scared people stand dumbstruck at the carnage around them. People drip with pumpkin, wandering about looking for loved ones, on this the Great Hellaween Massacre. But as the rebuilding process begins, and as parents find their children, still in costume, but scattered far and wide, they realize that the day has been saved, and joyous cheering erupts from every mouth (along with seeds and pumpkin rind).

“HURRAY, HURRAH, the HEMP IS GONE!!!!!”

The government, satisfied that the HEMP has been abolished, goes back into hibernation. While the people gather round, bringing bags of brown sugar, salt, baking soda, and nutmeg, and enjoy freshly baked pumpkin pie to celebrate the defeat of the HEMP. Then suddenly, they realized that the HEMP wasn’t really all that bad. Yes it had caused some destruction of city property, and yes it had caused people to run around screaming and laughing and doing foolish things, but there had also been a wonderful byproduct of the HEMP…this delicious and wonderful pumpkin pie that they were now enjoying, and the fantabulous baked seeds that they were crunching.

Suddenly the crowd began to sing, “LONG LIVE THE HEMP, LONG LIVE THE HEMP!!”

And so even today, on this special dark helladay, as we remember the sacrifices made by the people during the Great Hellaween Massacre, we are reminded that the HEMP really wasn’t all that bad.

Happy Hellaween everyone, and enjoy that pumpkin pie :-).

Boo!