You know the old adage - “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

So when I walked into work this morning and grabbed a banana from the free-fruit basket, here’s what I saw…

Looks like a normal banana right? It’s got the usual Chiquita sticker on it, and it’s a pleasing looking banana.

But let’s take a closer look at the blue sticker…what does it say?

That’s right…

“Pocket size fun!”

You can’t make this stuff up people.

On Saturday we hit the road for the Napa Valley Wine and Art festival - an annual street block-off featuring local artisans, wineries, and food vendors. It was a delightful experience and I picked up some gifts as well as some unique items for our house. While we were eating I noticed this store and just had to take a picture. There really are no words to describe my reaction, so I’ll let the name of the place suffice.

But this story is not about one store with everything that a good country boy needs, but about what happened after we left the festival.

We were walking back to the Jeep when we came across a tree that none of us had ever seen before. It was completely covered in fruits that were in various stages of ripening, from yellow/green to bright red. Here is an image from Wikimedia commons:

The fruits were very interesting to touch - covered with rough “bumps”, but still feeling somewhat soft to the touch. It was evident that the red fruits were the ripe ones, as you could see a progression from the bright yellow through to pink to bright then deep red.

David picked one from the tree and squeezed it until we could see the insides. It was a mealy type of fruit, with many seeds inside. Without really considering any repercussions I said, “I’ll try it”, grabbed the fruit, and popped it into my mouth. It was pretty good. It had a very smooth taste - a light taste, and did have a mealy but pleasant texture.

My parents and David were shocked. They couldn’t believe that I would actually eat a random fruit without knowing what it was. I didn’t really get the concern - it was very evident that this was a fruit tree and I reasoned that they wouldn’t have planted a fruit tree in a park that was poisonous. People bring their children to the area and you know children always put bright red fruits in their mouths. I guess I regressed to childhood suddenly and my parents did take the opportunity to plot my demise for eating a possibly poisonous fruit.

Minutes passed and my throat didn’t close up…I was still breathing…no stomach pains…all was well. Although I do consider myself to be food intolerant, I have a relatively good ability to transmute odd edible items without adverse reaction. I guess it’s sort of like transmuting the water of life and becoming a Reverend Mother. If you get this reference then you’re one of the cool people.

Anyway…the day went on and I didn’t think anything of it. But the subject came up today while enjoying a BBQ dinner with the parents, and so I got on my phone and googled “fruit tree red rough”. I sorted through some pages and at first we thought it was lychee, but after looking at the image results I discovered that the fruits are actually from the Strawberry Tree.

These delicious red, rough, mealy fruits are quite common on California and the west coast, and are often used in borders because they remain green and the fruits are so decorative. I plan to get some seeds and see if we can grow a few of our own. I bet they would also make a delicious liquor.

So here’s a lesson to you all - red fruits are safe. Usually.

*cough*

*gasp*

If you have a lot of tea, you might be someone I’d like to know.

You might even call yourself a Person of Tea.

Background: when David first moved in, oh so many years ago, he was rummaging around through the kitchen cabinets and discovered boxes and boxes (and when I repeat that, I really do mean to imply that you need to be picturing a LOT of boxes) of tea. It was then that he knew that all would be right in the world, because I “had a lot of tea”.

I was intrigued. I’ve always had a lot of tea in the house - many varieties, many blends, many textures, many flavours. Some in bags, some loose leaf, but I’d definitely say I have a veritable cornucopia of teas. The predominant tea in the cupboard is Tazo brand. Their Passion tea is quite possibly one of my favourite teas, second only to Earl Grey. But again you might ask, what does it mean to have “a lot of tea” other than you went to the store and bought more?

Having a lot of tea implies a worldly aura, an essence if you will, that most people don’t have. It means that you are open minded, introspective, thoughtful, big-picture, and many other adjectives that all mean the same thing. It means that your ness is worldly, that your ness is a Ness of Tea. It’s a good thing - it’s an up thing - it’s a tea thing.

Coffee does not count. You can not be a Person of Coffee. You can be a person who drinks coffee, but drinking coffee does not put you at the same level as being a Person of Tea. Sorry.

Are you a person of tea? Do you find that drinking tea opens your mind to new places, new things, new levels of existence? Is it a spiritual journey to partake of the tea? Perhaps…what do you think?

* Tea image from Wikimedia Commons

For Sunday brunch, David and I decided to try a new place that opened up in our neck of the woods called Crepe Escape. We were hoping for a sit-down restaurant with waiters and water bringers and such, but no, it wasn’t that kind of place.

In fact, it was Crepeville dressed up with a new name and fresh splatter paint instead. I’m not a fan of Crepeville, having had numerous bad-food experiences there to make me realize there are much better places to have crepes, but this wasn’t Crepeville, it was Crepe Escape. See the difference?

Anyway - artistically and aesthetically, the place gets high marks. The texturing on the walls is a pleasing burnt auburn colour, and they have intricate tree art that comes up the wall, out of the wall into a 3 dimensional tree then back into the wall as 2D art. Very slick and you can tell it took a while.

And that’s where the enjoyment ended. For months they worked on this place - we watched them building the facade, the outdoor patio, doing the paint texturizing, etc…and wouldn’t you know it I guess they couldn’t find the time to get a simple credit card machine. That’s right…a hand written sign was taped to the front of the cash register that said:

Cash or checks only. Sorry.

You’re having the same reaction I am right now, right? Checks? Um…CHECKS? Who in their right mind writes checks any more? And who in their right mind stands in line while fifty people in front of them are all writing checks because the place won’t take plastic? Not me, that’s for sure.

Anyway…We had about 5 people in front of us and all of them wrote checks. Absurd. Thankfully I had a $20 in my wallet and we moved ahead. Two crepes, two large house coffees. We sat down at a corner table and waited for our food.

The first problem is that the coffee mugs had no size variation. Whether you ordered large or small - same size cup. When we asked why we paid more, we were told we got free refills. Ok then how do they know who got small which doesn’t get refills and large which does? They don’t. I know this because we never got any refills - and neither did anyone else around us.

Next up, the food. The homestyle potatoes were fine, the crepe was not. David’s was too salty to eat and tasted like it had just been microwaved. Mine was tolerable, but it needed sour cream, so I asked for a side. It never showed up. I waited, and waited, and no sour cream.

We ate half our food then got up to leave. I stopped the manager on our way out and told him we would not be back. I provided specific examples of our food being yucky, no coffee refills, never got the sour cream, and they don’t take plastic. We walked out the door never to return.

If you’re in Sacramento and you want good crepes, don’t go anywhere but Danielle’s at Fair Oaks Blvd. and Watt Ave. You’ll never be disappointed.

*Crepe imagery from Wikimedia Commons

I am in urgent need of your help. Someone is missing their gum! Is it yours?

I am sure that they are worried sick about their gum - I can only imagine what it must feel like to be on-site, enjoying your chew, “accidentally” spitting your gum out onto the floor without knowing it, and then hours later realize that it’s missing.

I can’t even imagine the pain and mental torment I would go through knowing that my gum is out there… somewhere… desperately trying to find me again yet not knowing where to look. Would I report the gum missing? Would there be an internal investigation to determine when I last tasted the gum? Would anyone really be able to help me?

I might even put up signs and offer a reward. The gum means that much to me. Search parties aren’t out of the question…let’s canvas the building from the lobby to the cafe - it’s got to be here somewhere!

Won’t you help me find the owner of this gum? I know they must be missing it…

Last night I was sitting on the sofa at home, watching So You Think You Can Dance…they were announcing the Top 20 that will be on the show. I was snacking on some pretzels and mustard, and when I was done I set the bowl on the little table in front of me and continued watching the program.

Lasher started wandering around pestering me, but then he spotted the small dish of yellow mustard sitting on the table in front of me. He gave it a few sniffs, and I thought, “he’s going to back off quickly from the smell” because usually the cats don’t like things with strong smells. But he didn’t.

He put his face right down into the dish and started licking the mustard. I was in shock. I said “David, look quick!” and we both laughed as Lasher licked it a few more times and then decided he’d had enough. He then licked the air for a while, and I was sure the mustard was going to come right back up…but turns out he liked it. He even went back to have more until I took the bowl away.


So I did a little hunting around about cats and mustard, and I found two very interesting references to share with you…

First, a joke: How do you make a cat eat mustard?

Second, a He-Man episode that never happened.

* Mustard image from Wikimedia Commons

Everyone who reads this needs to rush out and buy a 5lb. bag

And as it says right there on the wrapper - they are indeed, delicious caramel. They start out hard in the wrapper, but as soon as they encounter the warmth of a salivating mouth, they acquiesce into creamy goodness. These might actually be the best candy of ever.

Consider it me doing my part to encourage childhood obesity.

Cheers!